I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice with my bare hands. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs from Cuban refugees. I write award-winning operas. I manage time rather efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous looks and super-natural alcohol intake. I can pilot bicycles up several inclines with unflagging speed, and I'm a master chef because I know the chicks dig it. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my back yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding and short walks by the canal. I am a ruthless bookie and not to mention, a concrete analyst. I don't perspire. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Women love me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week and when I do I sleep in a chair. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge and my bills are all paid for. I may never discover the meaning of life but I would like to ask the people that have...when you figure it out, then what? I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka and have watched and enjoyed many wet t-shirt contests in Mexico. I consider myself a normal guy with common interests.
